growing pains

01.12.2021

Song: Million Years Ago - Adele

It seems like Mr. Know-It-All is incapable of following his own damn advice. I cry more than I want to admit but I can't lie to myself, even though I lie to everyone. It’s so much harder to be honest with yourself or with anyone when you are twenty-something.

Recently chased the moon across Europe to visit my home country. Saw a shrink and had to take an MR for my bowels that wouldn’t stop bothering me. Shaked hands with some doctors that told me that there was nothing wrong with my body. One of them was grinning as he was looking at my X-Ray results and told me that maybe I just had growing pains. ‘’Unfortunately, there is no band-aids for the growing pains’’ he said, at least something like that. Mind you, I’m 21.

I miss the times when my sister was easier to fool, or I could just use demons as an excuse to sleep in my parents’ bed. Now those demons are the ones that I must face. Chugging pills every day to avoid those battles that I must have. It’s easier though, isn’t it? Avoiding something that we think is terrible until that dreadful thing comes knocking on our fucking door and asks us to come out and fight it. But no, we’re not going to fight today. Our swords aren’t sharpened yet. We have deadlines to meet, places to be, people to please. We can’t face a fear today, or tomorrow. Let’s keep it waiting for a little longer. Besides isn’t that what we all do?

But one thing that bothers me the most is that;

What if, just wait, what if our greatest days, are the days that we left behind? And the rest of it stays the same all our lives. Cause if so, I would’ve held on just a little tighter, longer… because you don’t know a thing you miss until it’s behind you.

It’s hard to find the silver lining this time folks. I always thought that I liked adding little jokes to my pieces. Turns out, sometimes we just like being sad. That’s why we have Adele.

These days, I’m my own best friend. Since that trip, I’m blaming everything on the growing pains. It’s almost like child’s play. Cause it might just help me sleep longer.

Wish we knew what we were becoming. That’s the hardest pill to swallow though. Not knowing where these growing pains will take us. We’ll see. What other choice do we have anyways? I guess the world has become way too complex for simple answers.

-M