selfish (around 2am at a house-party)

18.12.2022

Song: The Good Side – Troye Sivan

do we really help people out because we are nice and warm or is it because we expect a favour in return? can you ask yourself the exact question and be 100% about your answer. if you are, then maybe this is not for you. for the ones that are indecisive;

what is your motive? is there one? is there supposed to be one? can a person just genuinely want to help a person out without expecting something back?

human nature is what they call it, isn’t it? “oh, people are selfish, they do everything because there is an ulterior motive.” is that something that we say to justify the selfishness, that we try to but cannot seem to escape. my mom always says it’s harder to escape the reality of humanity when we’re all dressed up, as if our clothes are just layers, we hide ourselves in.

everyone knows that they’re too good for each other, don’t they?

they don’t,

cause they shouldn’t.

we’re cheaters, we lie, we’re sometimes shy but we also like to say hello to total strangers. why is that?

…

we will watch each other go through the amber lights one by one, and as our souls pass that great divide hands all akimbo and get absorbed by the great tropopause, will we be thinking of the selfish acts that we did in order to be asked if we were okay at a house party where we were just forcing a smile or will be thinking whether we’ll see that fluffy dog we grew up with who sadly passed as we were graduating middle school? we had so much to tell to each other but not enough time do it in. or maybe as our souls are rising for the last time we’ll just be hoping that the honeybees make it home tonight. cause we won’t be. we’ll still be worried about something though, still thinking of something that we left behind. And as soon as that something becomes bigger than us, maybe that means we’re not as selfish as we think we are. cause we’re not. we can’t be.

not today, tomorrow

or the day after that.

give yourself a break and have a little faith in yourself friend.

-M